Changes in Relationships During Grief

Experiencing the death of a loved one is often the biggest challenge a person faces. Grieving can feel overwhelming and consume every facet of your life. It is during this time that you need the comfort of others the most, and yet social connections often feel strained as your relationships and social network seem to be flipped upside down.

Here are four ways relationships can shift when you are trying to navigate the loss of a loved one:

1. Your Support System May Surprise You

You may be surprised who steps up in your greatest hour of need. Some of your closest loved ones, those who have been by your side through dating and childbirth and other life dilemmas, may not be able to be there for you during your bereavement. It is often people you’d least expect who show up to hold your hand while you grieve. As old friends you’ve lost ouch with, a co-worker you’ve hardly spoken to but who understands the complexities of living with death… these are sometimes the people who help the hurt go away.

It can be helpful to understand the kind of support you are wanting and be intentional with whom you make requests. Some people are most comfortable providing task support like helping to organize or shop for meals, picking up your children from school or practice, or helping with household chores. Others are more comfortable providing emotional support. These are the people whom you can call on to simply listen to you.

2. You May Feel Angry- and That’s Okay

You may try and understand why your closest friends and relatives seem to have abandoned you during one of the most painful times in your life. Unfortunately, understanding won’t make the pain of it go away. Yes, it can be helpful to realize that not everyone can cope with death and loss, including the people closest to you. It’s also important to recognize that feeling this additional pain, and even anger and resentment about feeling abandoned, is totally normal and okay.

3. Some People Will Avoid You

Losing loved ones is something all of us will go through, but some people cannot handle this reality. Just the thought of a loved one dying is more than many people can bear. Seeing your pain and sitting with you in your time of darkness will force others to look this stark reality in the face. Many people simply can’t do this. If you find that friends and relatives seem to be avoiding you, understand it is most likely because they cannot handle their own fears of loss.

4. You Will Have Something in Common with Others

For most people, it’s hard to understand certain things until they experience it themselves: Having children, running a marathon, getting divorced. Losing a loved one is certainly on this list as well. While your current group of loved ones will try to empathize with you, the reality is that you now belong to a special club and those who you feel close to and understood by may change. This does not mean you will no longer feel close to those you did before the loss, but it means you have changed and how you perceived the world and others has changed as well.

Relationships are hard, and they can be more difficult during periods of loss and grief. It’s important that you are gentle with yourself during this time and seek help. Consider joining a grief support group. Being around those who have experienced similar losses can be a comfort during this time.

You may also want the guidance of a certified grief therapist who can help you navigate your complex emotions and offer tools to work through your grief. If you or a loved one is interested in exploring grief counseling, please contact us today. We would be happy to speak with you about how we may be able to help. Please click here or call us today at (630)601.3460 to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation. Learn more about grief and loss.